


Spiral down

by Hazazel



Series: Oikage week 2 - april 2015 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: After School AU, Day 4, Hinata is a great friend, M/M, Oikage Week, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:52:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazazel/pseuds/Hazazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither his name, nor the warm “Don't forget to come back often, Bakayama!” had managed to ease the tension in his shoulders. He had learned so much at Karasuno, team spirit and friendship and Hinata always hopping along with little squeals. He was going to lose all this and loneliness was a feeling he deeply hated, so he shut it down in a corner of his brain and took his seat in the train, closing his eyes not to see the landscape of his life vanish past him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spiral down

**Author's Note:**

> Snowdrop - consolation

“Good luck Tobio !”

After three years and thousands of hours together, Hinata had finally said his first name, as a goodbye gift. He was not leaving, going to the local university with Yamaguchi and some others.

“The volleyball court there is amazing ! There were lights everywhere and the ball was going whoosh and whaaa !”

Tobio refrained from saying that Karasuno had the same gym, only a bit smaller, Hinata seemed genuinely excited about this. Tobio was leaving for Tokyo, his university too had a volleyball club, but he hadn't been able to visit.

Neither the use of his name, nor the warm “Don't forget to come back often, Bakayama!” had managed to ease the tension in his shoulders. He had learned so much at Karasuno, team spirit and friendship, Hinata always hopping along with little squeals. He was going to lose all this and loneliness was a feeling he hated deeply , so he shut it down in a corner of his brain and took his seat on the train, closing his eyes not to see the landscape of Miyagi vanish past him.

oo

Tap. Tap. _Taptaptapppp._ The sound of a ball falling to the ground, ignored, echoing through his memory to drill holes in his brain. There was laughter too, pats on his back, “Relax Kageyama !”, but this was not fresher initiation, it was his heart pumping quicker than ever and his breathing coming so fast black dots danced in front of his eyes, taunting him. His teeth were chattering. The next pat sent him to the ground.

 oo

He had followed Hinata's advice but now that he was standing in front of the university door, he was starting to wonder if it really was the right thing to do. They did not have a volleyball club here. _It's not like you had the choice_ , whispered the voice in his head, _trying to find a new uni like this a month after semesters started, with the horrible grades you have.._. If Tobio  was being honest with himself, playing volleyball without his team – even Tsukishima – was not worth the ordeal of being _alone_ again. Sighing, he picked up his bag and entered the building, only to collide with someone straight on.

“Watch where you're going !”

“Sorry,” he answered, with every intention of walking away, his eyes still glued to the ground.

An arm gripped his. A bully, on his first day ?  _How lucky._

“Tobio.”

“...Oikawa-san ?!”

“Long time no see.”

Yes, he guessed, after two years of nothingness, you could say that.

“Sorry,” Tobio repeated, “I'm in a hurry.”

“Aah, don't worry ! Let's eat lunch together. See you here in two hours, Tobio-chan.”

Tobio did not agree to this before walking away.

 

oo

“You actually came !”

He hadn't meant to, but he had forgotten his lunch and the entry door was on the way to the cafeteria. His feeble groan seemed to be enough of a consent for Oikawa to delightedly drag him to an empty table and sit in front of him. 

“Sooo, what are you doing here ?” seeing his puzzled look, Oikawa added “No volley club here, you must know that.”

“I could ask the same question.”

“I play in a club down the road, they don't take new members this time of year, though.”

“The uni I went to had a... a bad team."

Oikawa sent him a puzzled look.

"Like me, but... before.” 

Before Karasuno. Before he learned what 'team' meant. Before Hinata, and before the others. It was too painful to even remember and it made his throat tighten. He left the table with the vague idea of avoiding further encounters.

 

oo

Oikawa was _everywhere._  Near the front doors, in the corridors, next to his library seat, greeting him with a large smile and a “Tobio-chan, what a surprise !”, _always_ there.

“What do you want.”

“Come on, we're just politely eating lunch...”

“What do you want.”

“I saw you practice in the park yesterday evening.”

He glared. Oikawa could practice indoors and with a team, was he here to boast ? If Tobio said nothing, if he kept quiet, maybe Oikawa would drop the topic. Leave him in peace. 

“You won't be improving much playing all by yourself like that.” 

There was no need to rub salt in the wound. He knew he was fooling no one, he knew he had already lost half of his speed – Hinata had been wrong, the lack of volleyball left a hole in his life that could not be filled with studying, or his stupid, stubborn ball throwing. It was not enough.

“What, do you want to practice with me ?”

“Thought you'd never ask ! See you tonight, Tobio !” 

He almost regretted the words when Oikawa grinned wickedly, but could not help the sigh of relief when he realized that meant not being alone, for one night at least.

oo

“I've been waiting for an hour ! All of the third years are gone, what the hell were you doing ?!”

“I'm not a... Never mind. Let's go, we only have an hour before it closes.”

Their throw-toss made Tobio question the usefulness of a team of two. Sure, Hinata and him were a pair, but alone, they were nothing. They could not win a match. There were no matches now, only their serves and tosses, to save him from the spiraling anxiety of a day without the ball hitting his hands. He remained silent when they paused but it was because he knew Oikawa would go away if he were too annoying. He couldn't stand that right now.

 

oo

Oikawa invited him to his match and he said no, but still went. His team won, and, from the bleachers, Tobio watched him shouting encouragements to his teammates, tossing and jumping and serving.

[From: Oikawa, 9:12 pm] _Wait, so did you come or not ?_

[From: Oikawa, 9:13 pm] _I thought I saw you in the bleachers but you were gone._

[From: Tobio-chan, 9:20 pm] _I left early._

[From: Oikawa, 9:21 pm] _Well, it doesn't matter. Practice tomorrow ?_

[From: Tobio-chan, 9:23 pm] _There is no uni tomorrow._

[From: Oikawa, 9:23 pm] _Are you actually saying 'no' to practice ?_

[From: Oikawa, 9:40 pm] _Whatever. See you on Tuesday._

oo

Hinata called twice a week, at least, and it was the only thing keeping Tobio sane now, without volleyball. He avoided Oikawa like the plague, at school and after, training alone in the little courtyard behind his building. Days and days of staying late, tossing on a wall.

Hinata came over after two months, and they spent a blissful weekend playing together, practising their quick until their palms reddened with effort and Hinata called out – he did not. He may not have many other chances like this in the future, so _hell_ if he wasn't going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Three more weeks and he still managed to escape every time he saw Oikawa's pointy head in the corridors. He had stopped practicing every day, focusing on his studies instead, exams were approaching. His marks were correct, for once - funny, the amount of time no practice for a week could spare.

 

oo

Who was he kidding ? Not his mother, always asking whether he would come back or not for the upcoming holidays. Certainly not Hinata, his voice had become increasingly worried over the last phone calls. Yet Tobio couldn't bring himself to care, days slowly lulling by in a blurry motion. Lessons, eating, sleeping.

Don't think about volleyball.

A daily routine, calm and quiet, that Tobio followed dutifully. Except for the volleyball part – not practicing gave him way too much free time. The sounds of volleyballs falling on the ground, the familiar shape in his hands, the smell of Air Salonpas, seemed to follow his every move, filling his head with mindless flashes of his last three years. Training. Victory. Hinata. The team. Volleyball.

_Knock knock._

Tobio did not understand what that was at first, no one ever knocked. When he came, Hinata had rang the bell so hard the neighbours came out to see who it was.

_KNOCK KNOCK._

Maybe he should get up and open the door.

“Oi ! Tobio-chan, open the door !”

“What the hell ! Who's – Oikawa-san ?”

“Well, yeah ! First you miss practice, then you avoid me for _weeks_ , and now you stop coming to school ?” 

First, it was not practice, it was _mockery_ , then, if it wasn't even volleyball, no one could blame him for leaving. He had only missed school for a day and a half, and was planning to return the day after. He was just so tired. He just needed _rest_. 

“Tobio, let me in !”

“No way.” 

He was pushed to the side as Oikawa entered the house, taking in the messy couch and the dishes still on the coffee table. 

“You need to get out of here sometimes. Take a bath, we're going out.” 

Tobio stood still, looking at the pointy hair and the silly smile and the brown eyes. 

“What, do I have something on my face ?”

“Oikawa-san. I want to play volleyball.” 

He had said it aloud. Of course, they both knew – Oikawa had known he regretted losing volleyball, Hinata had known and told him it maybe was better than being alone, he himself had believed this crap and now that Tobio had finally admitted it aloud it felt like a broken dam.

“Oikawa-san. I miss volleyball. I miss it so bad.”

“I know, Tobio.”

No, he didn't, he still had volleyball and even if his team was only a local one, never going to actual championships outside of the neighbourhood, even if the players were nowhere near his own level, he _played_. He had a team.

Oikawa was walking around in the room, folding his clothes into a neat pile, cleaning away the dirty mugs, while he stood there, shaking slightly. 

“There you go, sit on your couch.”

“Don't order me around.”

“Are you feeling better now ?”

Tobio would rather obey silently, sitting with his hands folded on his lap. He felt drained, exhausted, just wished for Oikawa to leave – what was he doing here anyway.

“Hinata gave me your address.”

Oh. Hinata. They hadn't talked in a while. Fear of his voice breaking, disgust of himself for not practicing anymore. Envy, because Hinata still played with part of the team. Shame. He could handle this on his own, he could shut down his phone or ignore the endless loops of ringing until they stopped. Oikawa had nothing to do with this. Tobio did not need to have him here, he was doing perfectly fine avoiding him and his silly head.

oo

Avoiding Oikawa's silly head became very difficult after he moved in - “Tobio-chan ! Hinata approved, you can't stop me”. Since when could Hinata decide about this ? Bit by bit, Oikawa had moved his stuff in Tobio's living room, sleeping on the couch and drinking all his milk. He always insisted on watching TV when they came back from class, but could never settle on a channel, zapping aimlessly and not watching anything at all. He went out to practice with a guilty grin, and stayed so late Tobio had stopped waiting for him.

There were good sides. They ran together in the morning. They baked milk bread. They went to the movies. Oikawa liked to cuddle. Maybe he liked cuddling too.

Hinata still called twice a week, he still didn't answer.

“Not now, Oikawa.”

“And when is this 'now', exactly ?”

Tobio didn't know.

oo 

“Fireworks ! Summer festival !”

Oikawa was way too excited about this, it couldn't bode well. He even had a flower crown, “the Grand King's crown !”, and he stuck his tongue out when Tobio pointed out he was acting like a child.

“Haha, Tobio, you look even worse than me with that !”

'That' being his very own flower crown, and, apparently, crumbles of milk bread all over his chin.

It did not surprise him when they kissed, sparkles of colour showering above their heads, it felt alright to follow him home with their hands locked, and to fall asleep together.

oo

“ _Hi, Hinata._ ”

His throat felt impossibly small and he could hear the same tight tone on the other side of the phone.

“ _Bakayama. 's been a while._ ”

“ _Yeah._ ”

“ _Oikawa told me you were ok, lately._ ”

“ _You're talking with him now ?!_ ”

Hinata laughed and suddenly Tobio realised they were so close to tears it didn't matter they hadn't spoken for more than two months. They could still bicker about anything, anytime, and it was so reassuring Tobio wondered why he even stopped answering his phone in the first place.

“ _Well, for a Grand King, he's not that bad._ ”

“ _I've stopped practicing._ ”

“ _I know._ ”

“ _I'm not... I'm not feeling that bad about about it anymore._ ”

“ _It's good._ ”

He really meant it. They both did.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it !  
> I have a bonus headcanon : Oikawa is not a third year, that's why he is an hour late. He started by studying law but did not like it, at all, and decided to re-do a first year in English and economy. Kageyama took... I don't even know but it's not about biology. (can you feel how biaised I am when I'm picking their subjects ?)


End file.
